Am I worth it?
by KwBw21
Summary: on the third anniversary of Voldamort's demise, Harry thinks back on that day and the hardships he and Severus have faced since then. Is being with Severus worth it?


**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but this story**

**This is a one shot I wrote which is much more angsty than what I normally write. the Severus in this story is OC so be warned. It is also rated M for a reason due to violence and a mention of rape and sex.**

**I hope you enjoy this, I apologise in advance for any grammar or spelling errors**

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The sun is just starting to rise over the castle, yet I have already been awake for an hour or so just laying in bed and thinking about the love of my life who was laying next to me. It has been 3 years to the day since I killed Voldamort, banishing his soul to the fiery pits of hell where it belongs. I remember vividly the moment I stood before that bastard, I remember the feeling of pure rage and hatred coursing through my body and the look of surprise on his face as he died. I truly believe he thought he was going to defeat me but he had been mistaken, he was a dead man from the moment he abducted my beloved.

FLASHBACK

"Still haven't got used to flooing I see, my boy" Albus chuckled as I stumbled from the fireplace and coughed out the soot that I had breathed down my throat.

"Nope" I replied with a final cough before sitting down on one of the comfy chairs in the headmaster's office.

"How can I help you Harry? Lemon drop?" Albus asked as he offered me one of his favourite sweets.

"No thank you, Have you seen Severus by any chance I can't seem to find him?" I asked "the last time I saw him he had said that he was going for a walk down the by the lake. I had offered to go with him but he had said he needed to be alone for a bit but that was last night and I can't help but worry as I didn't see him at breakfast in the great hall. Plus he is in danger now that Voldamort knows he is a spy for the side of light" I started biting the inside of my lip as panic started building up inside me again.

"Harry calm down. I am sure Severus is fine, you know he likes his solitude and it isn't uncommon for him to eat breakfast in his quarters" The headmaster said reassuringly "and we both know he is a very talented and skillful fighter so he is very capable of defending himself" with that said I could feel my anxiety fade away.

"I must say it is a surprise to see you so concerned about your potions master" Albus said with a twinkle in his eye.

"Well since I started Occlumency lessons, we seem to get on better now. Possibly because he has seen that I am nothing like my father was and I'm not the spoilt brat he though I was. Also I know that all the insults and snide comments he made towards me were a mask, he's actually a nice person with a wicked sense of humor" I replied sincerely. I couldn't however, confess to the headmaster that I had actually fallen in love with my potions master.

"I am glad you two have become friends. Severus needs a friend" the headmaster sighed as he lent back in his chair.

"Well I had best get off to class" I said as I stood up from the chair.

Suddenly my scar started to burn painfully causing me to gasp. A few moments later I fell to my knees as an image of Severus laying on the floor, convulsing in pain flashed through my head. Voldamort's laughter rang in my ears as the image faded away.

"HARRY, what's wrong?" Albus asked as he rushed across the room to be by my side.

"Voldamort has Severus at Malfoy Mansion. He's hurt" I managed to choke out as I tried to hold back my tears.

"I will call Kingsley and ask him to gather the aurors to go get Severus" Albus said as he rushed to the fireplace to message the head Auror.

"There's no time. Severus will die if he doesn't get help now" I said before running out of the headmaster's office to the nearest apparition spot. I could hear Albus calling to me telling me it wasn't safe to go on my own but I didn't care I had to help Severus.

When I reached the Apparition spot I barely gave myself a chance to catch my breath before apparating to Malfoy Manor.

I arrived outside the manor with a pop and made my way over to the front door. I was stopped in my tracks by another vision exploding in my mind, this time it was an image of Severus being beaten by the death eaters as they shouted "filthy traitor". I clenched both my hands into fists so tight that my knuckles turned white before taking a deep breath and slowly breathing it out. I managed to control my anger and I whispered "I'm coming Sev" before taking out my wand from within my robes.

I walked up to the front door pointing my wand straight at it and as I walked I said "_confringo". _I watched as the door was blast off its hinges and I calmly walked through the debris.

As I walked through the Manor, trying to find the room where I knew Severus was being held, I was pulled into the shadows by someone. I spun around and was about to cast a cutting hex before realising it was Draco and he was crying.

"Draco! What do you want? Where is Severus?" I hissed at the blond boy.

"I want to help you Harry. They made me watch as they tortured my godfather, it broke my heart" Draco sobbed "He's in the dining hall, through the white doors" he pointed down the corridor.

I could see in his eyes that Draco was afraid and I knew I could trust him. "Draco get out of here and get back to the castle, Albus will protect you" I said to him before going to the white doors.

"Good Luck Harry" Draco whispered and I just smiled at him before he apparated out of sight.

As I reached the white doors I took a deep breath again before slowly letting it out, I raised my mind shields and cast C_onfringo. _The white doors exploded and I walked calmly into the room.

Death eaters were spread all over the room, some had been caught in the blast, the rest had gathered by Voldamort. I managed to control my anger as Voldamort laughed evilly.

"So Harry Potter, you managed to get my messages" the dark lord sneered.

"Where is he Tom?" I hissed before smirking at the sight of Voldamolt wincing at the sound of me using his given name.

Voldamort didn't reply he just motioned to two of his death eaters and they dragged Severus before him.

I gasped at the sight of Severus laying on the floor motionless. I wanted to rush to him and hold him close to me and reassure him that he would be okey but before I could react Voldamort cast the Cruciatus curse and I had to watch my beloved writhe in agony, his screams tearing at my soul and breaking my heart.

"NOOOO" I screamed at the dark lord "STOP HURTING HIM"

Voldamort stopped the curse before Severus could pass out as it would be no fun for the Dark Lord if his victim didn't scream.

Severus must have heard my pleading as he turned his head to face me and I saw tears fall from his guilt ridden obsidian eyes mixing with the blood that coated his face as he mouthed to me "I'm sorry"

I choked back a sob as I realised that even when he was in complete and utter agony, Severus was still worrying about not being able to protect me. I silently cast a shield over him, I poured every ounce of the love I have for him into that shield and I could see him relax as he felt my magic wash over him, for once I was protecting him.

I then turned to Voldamort who was sneering at me, at that moment I realised I did not fear him any more. I hated him with every fibre of my being. All the anger I had been suppressing mixed with the hatred and I could feel it building up in my body. As I concentrated on the expanding emotion and the man causing it, I curled forward crossing my arms around my chest. 'He killed my parents, he destroyed my childhood, he murdered innocent people and he tortured my beloved in front of me' I thought to myself. The feeling of powerful magic started sparking in the room and the death eaters started to get nervous as my aura started to glow red.

Then just when I started to doubt myself, I heard my beloved whimper in pain and Voldamort laughing at him, taunting him "you were never be worthy of him Severus, your a traitor. He would never love someone like you" and that's when the anger and hatred exploded out of my body in a powerful burst of wandless magic.

It tore into the death eaters and the Dark Lord, killing everyone in its path. The Aurors burst into the room just in time to witness the Dark Lord disintegrating, screaming in agony as he died.

When the last of the anger and hatred left my body I stumbled over to Severus and dropped to my knees. I pulled him into a hug and held him close to me.

"I'm sorry Severus. I'm sorry I didn't get to you sooner. He was wrong, I love you so much, please don't leave me" I sobbed as I buried my face into his hair and rocked him gently but then just when I thought all hope was lost I heard a faint whisper.

"Don't be sorry Harry, I love you too"

I looked down at Sev and saw a faint smile ghosting his pale face and love shining in his eyes. I knew then that we would be okey.

END OF FLASH BACK

It has been 3 years since I confessed my love to Sev and we are still getting hate mail from people who don't like him, from people who still believe he is a death eater, from people who believe he is not worthy of me. I know it upsets him no matter how much I try to reassure him that he is more than worthy of me. He still feels guilty over the fact that I came to rescue him that day, he feels he put me in harms way but I know it wasn't his fault. He still feels guilty over the way he had to treat me in class with insults and snide comments, no matter how many times he says sorry and no matter how many times I reassure him that I know it wasn't his fault.

I still feel guilty that I didn't get to him sooner that day. It took him two months to recover in hospital and he is still plagued by nightmares. It hurts me to see his face fall when he hears someone insult him or make a comment about us when we are out together. It breaks my heart when I hear him cry out at night when he relives his torture at Malfoy Manor. He hasn't been able to remember all that had happened whilst he was there but from the catalogue of injuries Madame Pomfrey told me about when he was unconscious, I know he was beaten, crucioed and burnt so maybe it is a blessing that he can't remember certain aspects.

It was Sev himself who confessed that he had also been raped when he was at Malfoy Manor. I was so proud of him when he told me and I held him as he wept from the self loathing and guilt of not being able to stop them, it was then that I found out that Draco had been forced to watch the rape and when I was alone I wept for Sev and Draco.

The first time we made love after his abduction, Sev was petrified. He tried to hide his body from me, ashamed of the scars and almost healed bruises. I had told him he was beautiful and I spent hours worshipping every part of him with soft kisses and gentle caresses. When I entered him he wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my neck and wept as violent memories of the rape flashed through his mind but I kissed those frightful images away. I replaced those terrible memories with ones of love and pleasure. I wanted him to associate sex with love rather than violence and hatred.

He often asks me if he's worth all the trouble I get for being with him. I give him the same answer every time and I will until the day I die.

I am pulled out of my train of thought by the feeling of my beloved rolling onto his side facing me. A few strands of his black hair have fallen over his ivory face so I tuck them behind his ear and gently run my thumb over his cheek. He looks so serene whilst he's sleeping and I'm happy that the nightmares haven't returned during the night for him as he looks like he's had a peaceful sleep. I lean over to kiss his forehead.

He slowly opens his eyes and when he realises I'm looking at him he gives me a smile.

"You are definitely worth it my darling" I say with tears glistening in my eyes.

"Why" he asks with a look of confusion and then that familiar look of doubt in his obsidian eyes as he realises what I mean.

"Because I get to wake up to that smile every morning my love" I reply before kissing him gently on the lips before laying back down beside him and pulling him into a hug.

"You are the light of my life when all I feel is darkness. You are my hope when ever I feel I'm being crushed by despair. I will never let anyone hurt you ever again. I love you Sev so very much" I whisper into my beloved's ear.

I hear him let out a content sigh as he snuggles close to me "I love you too Harry, you are my everything"

As I hear him breathing softly and I feel his body relax as he falls back into a peaceful slumber, I hug him a little tighter and safe in the knowledge he is safe in my arms I drift off to sleep.


End file.
